Psychology and Parenting

Psychology and Parenting

The psychologists, to be able to practice the profession we have to obtain the degree in the universities that dictate the race, we went through a fairly wide path in psychoanalysis and lately, a few years ago more cognitive professions began to appear.

It is not my intention at all to fanaticism criticizing the theories that underpin its practice, but I would like you to at least be able to reflect on certain contents just as the patients who come to our consultations do.

From prima facie I know that little is said and nothing about parenting and instead focuses on the Piaget evolutionary psychology, trying to describe what is happening in each age of the child.

It seems that if we want to go through these sides we have to do a specialization in psychoperinatology, where we will effectively talk about parenting and the importance of contact until we are tired.

How can we have to go in search of the specific to acquire concepts as basic as the importance of parents for the newborn? Why, if we receive patients so traumatized by their history, we do not ask or ask them to find out how their birth was and their first years of life? Because of course we go to the past, but many times to hunt a guilty of the ills of our patients and we do nothing to accompany them to not repeat those stories in the "here and now".

In his book "Introduction to Narcissism" of 1914, Freud he speaks of "His majesty the baby"; “A stage through which every baby must go through being subject to a special investiture from its fundamental links (especially from the figure of the mother) with very specific characteristics, which together with an environment that facilitates development will allow you to feel like“ your majesty the baby ”, a place that Freud himself defines as one in which“ illness, death, renunciation of enjoyment or restriction of will should not exist and before which the laws of nature and society have to cease. "

Somehow our so-called father of psychology (who indisputably laid the groundwork for all subsequent theoretical currents) there talked about the importance of being unconditionally for our children, especially at the beginning of their lives; but then in pursuit of evolutionism and of believing ourselves progressive as a way to reassure us of our absences (often justified by work), the belief began to circulate that these “little narcissists” who really need us to survive, were “tyrant children ”That they manipulated according to their convenience even with the young age of 3 or 6 months, theories and books appeared like him“ Fall as a Child ”that teach how to get out of the manipulation of our children at bedtime letting them cry until they understand.

We are health promoters and although from the Faculty they teach us not to take positions or to make judgments, as professionals we have frames that enable good clinical care.

I invite all my colleagues to think what are our prejudices regarding babies, mothers in the postpartum stage and family roles. It does not matter if the result of this experiment is that we find that we have a lot of prejudices, better still if it happens because it will be a way of taking care of our ways of thinking and maybe we can change them so as not to negatively influence our patients by lowering line how to tame your young children to return to their productive lives or even to sleep on a run some night.

We have to understand that progressivism is not neglecting ancestral knowledge where mothers instinctively understood that they had to be close to their children to survive and that acute crying, that almost impossible not to attend to our children, still persists for the alertness of children so that their mothers do not get too far away and run the risk of being eaten by wild animals.

This is what the Spanish pediatrician Carlos González, author and reference on these issues, who also says:The only thing he knows is that when he has been separated for a certain time from the person with whom he has an emotional bond, and that when you are a baby and that person is the mother, it can be less than a minute, notice an unpleasant sensation. That unpleasant feeling leads him to do a number of things. When he is very young he leads him to cry, when he is a little older he can do other things, he can call, he can talk, he can walk and look. All those things that a child does when he is looking for someone, is affective behavior. That behavior is maintained throughout life. ”

In search of leaving prejudices behind and understanding the importance it has for the child that in his first moments of life and also after a good time we are there I have met authors like Bowlby and Winnicott and also with the shocking filming that commissioned Rene Spitzz to demonstrate the importance of contact and the consequences such as "marasmus for lack of it".

I came across a word that I had never heard until then, not even in college and it seemed to me that it is much more important than so many other things I learned; I found the word “Exterogestación” that refers, explaining with my words in a language that everyone can understand, that humans are born neurologically immature unlike other animals that at birth can stand up and therefore we need a furnace blow that is already given out of the belly and that is achieved after our son feels the attachment by being in arms and taking the tit; this is how necessary the function of the mother is and the father has to promote this sacred event without getting angry and telling or paying attention to many people who, because they are really detached and do not even realize it, advise that we leave it alone, that we cut off breastfeeding and that we demand that our companions quickly return to be those of before denying that who urgently needs this mother to survive is “her majesty the baby” as Freud said, at least in that part quoted about her book of “Narcissimo ”, Before everything is misrepresented.

Did I become a child therapist? No, not at all, I continue working with adults, especially with couples and families but with a look where I cannot stop telling my patients the consequences of the lack of attachment, especially at the beginning; In any case I left aside my gaze on the couple and began to see that we were all raised and we will raise the best we can but that it is necessary to know that when we decide to bring a child to the world, although it is obvious to say it, it is not an object that can be returned and that if we do not commit ourselves to raising them this will bring immediate or future consequences but very serious.

I want to close with a few words from a book that came to corollary everything I think about these topics, realizing once again that knowledge is not necessarily necessary to acquire them in psychology books. “My friend was telling me that, going to the crux of the matter, becoming parents is to bring an inept and inerrant creature into the world that depends entirely on you, even for survival. A huge loss and a huge gain. From that moment you will never be in the fascinating condition of feeling alone about the universe, because there will be another living being that, depending on you to stay alive, will anchor you to this little piece of the world with no other horizon than the struggle for subsistence, to this little lump of land that you will step on as a modestly modestly equipped biped to briefly travel through existence. It will be you who makes that little heart beat, you who, with your breath, will support your breathing. Here your days end like idiot of the cosmos ”.